We The People

1.28.2017

Facts are important.

The truth is important.

I’m so over this horse shit.

Regardless of your political stance, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender, ethnicity, or anything else that you identify as, you must concede that your “identity” takes a back seat to the truth. Period.

With this new president, the rise of fake news, and the muddying of seemingly everyone’s grasp on reality, I am constantly disheartened by how many people appear to disregard the importance of the truth.

If I see someone post some horseshit on Facebook, I will do the cunty thing I always do, and show the error of their ways. For instance, if someone posts a fake news article, I will pause my whole day, get as much “evidence” as I can, explain why, how, and what is wrong about it. This should be welcomed! What boggles my mind is that most people don’t seem to give a shit. They would rather preserve their belief, though it’s factually wrong. When confronted with a truth, some people will say “that’s your opinion!”

No Mother Fucker, that’s the truth!

I’m sorry the truth doesn’t align with your team every time, but it’s still the truth.
I’m really trying to keep my contempt for bad ideas in check, but my blood boils when someone chooses ignorance to preserve a provably wrong tribal belief when confronted with reality.

Truth should transcend your fucking tribe. And more and more, it doesn’t.
This is frightening.

We the people, need to grow the fuck up.

It’s not about you, your feelings, or your ridiculous team. It’s about facts.

The Right needs to stop acting like Trump is, in any way, a decent or moral person. The guy goes against every American value you supposedly believe in. Stop doing that thing where you just pretend he’s a good guy and admit he’s a fucking prick. He manipulated the shit out of you!

If your friend was doing any of the shit he does, you would be embarrassed to be in public with them. Hold him accountable. Don’t just argue with the Left because they’re on the opposite team, hold that Orange Cunt accountable. Call him out. Make him

better. He’s fucking lying to you and he has been! Get angry. Your ability to sidestep facts and claim it as another’s opinion is a perversion of reality.

Also, you don’t own “American Values”. You’re not any more American than the Left is, I am, or any American citizen who happens to be of a different belief system than you. Your religion is just as fucking stupid as Islam is, just as Scientology is, and so on and so on. Christianity shouldn’t be the deciding factor in making laws on anything. Especially on women’s health! (Mike Pence, you fucking dog-shit human being!)

I’m so confused by you guys. You claim these beliefs based on faith, yet none of the laws you make, tax systems you set up, healthcare, or even the way you govern go with that of the teachings you hold dearly. Your compartmentalization of Separation of Church and State is astonishing. I’ve never read that part where Jesus made the rich richer, while denying health care to the poor? Just because you dislike the ideals the other side has, doesn’t mean you should push aside your own morality, and it definitely doesn’t mean you should make laws barring truth.
I watched so many of you flip at the last minute to preserve the “team attitude”.
This is fucking disgusting.

Find a back bone.

The Left needs to stop acting like free speech is a bad thing and that encouraging people to have their own goofy fucking beliefs -with zero basis in reality- is at all a good idea. Bad ideas should never be free from criticism. Being professionally offended, and making everyone a victim is detrimental to stomping out stupidity.

Like the Right, I’m so confused by the Left. You guys have a feeling of moral superiority, yet you’re filled with contradictions that you never acknowledge. I have so many examples I could choose from, but I’ll stick with religion because I want to make another point later.

I’ll talk shit about Islam as much as I want, just as I will Christianity. They’re the same brand of ridiculous! I get that the other side implements a disgusting level of Islamophobia mixed with racism, but are you seriously going to give an entire religion a “pass”? It’s an oppressive belief system and should be openly criticized without fear of retaliation from the language police. If someone is being an asshole, call them an asshole. That’s how we get better.

Also: If your friends start spouting hippie bullshit about energy crystals, astrology, being witches or any other nonsensical beliefs, please call them out on it. If you believe in ridiculous magical powers outside of a major religion, I have no fucking patience for you. I can hardly stand the fact that the major religions teach children at such young impressionable ages to believe in the mainstream nonsense, but that at least explains the devotion -It’s brainwashing 101.

But a consenting adult going against all reason, logic, and science by choosing to believe in this laughable horse shit makes my brain hurt. I get that it’s probably fun, that’s what fantasy is, but it’s also the epitome of chosen ignorance when truly believed in. Do you believe in Santa Claus and Dragons too?

Stop being ridiculous.

OK, have I successfully pissed everyone off? Are you all offended? No?

The OA was dumb as shit, Orange is the New Black is overrated, I piss in women’s bathrooms when the men’s is taken, I didn’t vote for Hilary, Donald Trump is a pussy, I think you should have to apply to have a child, I use the word “retarded”, Elon Musk is better than (insert your religious figure head), I hate your favorite band and your mom smells like feet.

Yeah, that should do it.

I feel better now that I got that out. But seriously, I am hopeful for a resurgence in placing truth and logic above personal beliefs.
There’s too much goofy shit to ignore these days.
We will grow.

Love,

Matthew Offends

You're Going To Die (Let's Go To Mars!)

9.28.2016

Today is the day after Elon Musk laid out his plan for Mars colonization. I am still freaking out a bit. I haven’t really been able to focus on anything because I’ve been fantasizing something fierce about a future that I won’t ever see. I understand I will die before Mars ever becomes an equal alternative to Earth, but one day it could be. And I got to witness a detailed presentation that showed the possibilities of how that may happen. That fills me with so much joy. Or, maybe it’s pride? Like, I can imagine how humans will one day do this and even though I’m not personally doing it, I’m proud of us who are alive right now because of what that means for the future of humanity?

Fuck, I don’t know! It’s a complicated feeling.

It’s literally the coolest possible future I could ever imagine for the human species and people right now are working on it. Although, sometimes I get ridiculously excited thinking about what humanity will do long after I’m gone. Then I get ridiculously jealous of future generations that will experience the things I can only dream of. Then I get sad thinking about how I haven’t heard one god damn person talking about it today.

Why the fuck isn’t everyone as excited as I am?
Why can’t I be having this conversation with a friend instead of a fucking computer?

I mean, I sort of understand...
I was waiting for this presentation for a while now, for I am a dumb person who is absolutely fascinated with the future AND space travel.
Plus, I have a giant Man Crush on Elon Musk and his sexy ass brain.

But what I legitimately don’t understand is why no one seems to give a fuck, time and time again, about the future. I get that we are all different and my interests aren’t going to be your interests, but this one seems like EVERYONE should be interested. It’s not just my future, it’s everyone’s.

I don’t think I’m in the wrong here or am I missing something?

As I was watching our Lord and Sav... I mean, "Elon’s" presentation, I honestly thought this would be the most newsworthy and talked about event all year.
And I’m fully aware that it’s an election year.

In fact, watching that presentation the day after the first presidential debate where Fuckhead#1 and the Lesser of Two Evils debated about America and all its policies, I realized how little people seem to think about the distant future in general. It seemed so much more important than the next four years, yet no one gives a shit.

What is that?

Does anyone else feel that excitement, that complicated feeling, that I feel?
Or, I wonder, do people just fear the future because that inevitably makes us think of our own death and we’re just not wired to deal with our own mortality?

If that’s the case, we all need to collectively grow the fuck up. We are all going to die.
Let’s not get hung up on that part.
Deal with it now.

Stop being an asshole.
Get excited about Mars, damnit!

But seriously, I often think back to when I was a child and how much I legitimately feared death. It was almost debilitating. I mean, I still fear death in the sense that I don’t want to die and I avoid it, but I thoroughly understand I will. I accepted my own mortality, which doesn’t make me a slave to it.

That may seem obvious, but I was raised in the Christian faith, so all I could ever fucking think about was how much I did not want to die. So many nights I would lie awake in my bed thinking about the logic of how everyone sins all the fucking time, hundreds of times a day, and if just one little tiny sin happened right before a freak accident that killed me, I would spend a damned eternity in excruciating pain, alone, and separated from my disappointed family.

#guilt
(BTW, please understand that “Hell” is an invention of Man to control people and that a benevolent Creator would never create such a place... Cheers!)

When I started questioning and eventually losing my faith, at such an early age, I had to confront my own mortality. That sounds weird. Actually, it sounds absolutely absurd. But there was genuinely a time where I whole heartedly believed that Hell was real and if I didn’t believe hard enough I would be sent there when I die. This meant I had to very seriously consider my own death and ponder my own existence while trying to fall asleep. THOSE ARE COMPLEX THOUGHTS FOR A FUCKING CHILD.

Now that I think about, I should probably write an entry on that whole debacle. It’s probably one of the biggest “ordeals” from my life that has shaped who I am today.
Whatever.

What am I talking about again? Death? Mars? Future? (Fuck up some commas!)

I suppose I am just getting tired of not having the important conversations because someone “doesn’t like to think about that”.
I’m so fucking sick of that excuse.
What is the point of this irrational fear? We all know that we are all going to die, so what’s the hang up? Why do we have to let the only fact of life be off limits?

That’s so limiting.

I think I know why, I just don’t think I accept it.

It’s very hard for us to picture the world without us in it. We are incredibly selfish beings in that way. It’s scary to think about death, and we sort of think that life shouldn’t go on without us. This is why man creates thousands of flavors of religions and a million versions of an afterlife.

By any definition of the word, it’s not “fun” to talk about or even think about our death, but that’s not fucking good enough of a reason to not deal with shit.
It is absolutely necessary to make decisions now that will shape the future.

Just like how thinking about global warming, or an asteroid, or the AI overlords, or whatever the event is that actually destroys this planet, isn’t “fun”, but it is a fact, and we shouldn’t be ignoring it.
I’m not a “Doomsday-er”, but just like you, this planet will one day die. Ignoring that seems incredibly foolish to me. Especially when if we were to just confront and address these issues humanity can live on!
Wouldn’t it be fucking rad if we all grew the fuck up and made changes to ensure life kept going?
Isn’t that something to take pride in?
Isn’t that sort of an afterlife?

I don’t man, I just know I’m stoked I’m alive right now. I think that colonizing Mars is this beautiful example of human preservation. Humanity will literally SPREAD TO ANOTHER FUCKING PLANET and live on because of the shit that people alive RIGHT NOW are doing.

Long after you and I die, humans will be around... loving, changing, creating new shit, becoming more and more capable within this universe, and just being human! That’s how this shit works, folks! We get better and better every generation and we figure new shit out.

I find that to be the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine.
I get super excited, I am filled with joy, and I am proud to be a human. Or whatever.
It’s a complicated feeling.

This got a bit ‘Ranty’ and (ironically) a little ‘Preachy’, too.

Just please think about the future.
Like, really think about it.
Think about how bad ass you are because you’re a fucking human being who is alive right now, but then think about how that’s all going to end one day.
Embrace that.
Don’t dwell on it, but really understand that humanity will outlive you.
Don’t let your inevitable death cripple yours, or the lives of future generations.

-Matthew Preaches

The Lesser Of Two Evils

8.13.2016

There is something like 324 million people in this country.
The idea that Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to lead that many people truly terrifies me. They’re both fucking lunatics who are completely out of touch with reality.

Reality isn’t being a life long politician doing shady shit while compromising one’s own morals day in and day out. That’s just creepy. That’s what it takes to be a politician of Clinton’s caliber, by the way. In the current system you have to compromise all the fucking time. Most of the time these politicians start out as a lawyers (just like Hillary did), and being a lawyer is fucking creepy too. There is one case where the future leader or the free world (most likely) got this client off with only two months after he raped a 12-year-old girl... and she fucking knew he was guilty! That’s just being a lawyer. That’s Hillary Clinton. That’s creepy.

And before you say it, I know. Lawyers have to swear an oath to stand by their clients and defend them no matter what, blah blah blah. Ok, so do we really want someone who can compromise that much to lead this country?
Maybe these shady lawyers shouldn’t rule the world.

If you had a friend who lied all the time, who literally changed their accent (depending on who they’re talking to), and who was known for their blatant disregard for the law (even though they know it), would you invite them over for dinner? Would you want them in charge of anything you care about? Would you trust them?

Really? She’s your pick to run this thing?

Reality isn’t being a rich prick whose dad gave ‘em money and blames brown people for all the problems of the world, either. Trump is a fucking idiot. He doesn’t know anything about history, he doesn’t know the basics of how government works, and he’s not going make up for that by “hiring the best people”. He’s just an egomaniac with a Trump sized goal.

That stupid fucking wall won’t work. It just won’t. I’m so sick of people acting like that it’s even a possibility. Do you know what is on the boarder? It’s fucking mountains and canyons and shit. It’s not possible. Let it go.
Banning Muslims is dumb as shit, too! You can’t just ban a religion you fucking Hitler-esque morons. This isn’t a Christian country; this is a country of immigrants with tons of different religions, so shut the fuck up.

Talking about Trump is too easy, though. How anyone can rally behind this guy is beyond me. He’s a spray tanned orange goofball billionaire with a bad attitude that sits in gold chairs and talks about himself all the time.

Again, If you had a friend like that you would you invite them over for dinner? No! You’d avoid them like the plague. And you know what? You would make fun of them all the fucking time.

Really? He’s your guy?

One of these two horrible fucks is about to lead 324 million people.
I don’t get, man. I just don’t.
I won’t choose a lesser of two evils. I won’t be responsible for the shit storm that follows.
I honestly don’t understand how anyone can support either of these candidates.

There was no one better?
What? You mean we’re just stuck with these two? Why?

Yeah, I guess there is Gary Johnson (who I will probably vote for) and Jill Stein, but it doesn’t look like they have any real shot.

It’s probably going to be Hillary. I mean, as long as no more of her shady shit gets released, that is.

It seems like people can lose their faith in Clinton but not in Trump.
It’s kind of fascinating.
The Trump supporters are insane die-hards who blatantly ignore all of the goofy/dangerous/racist shit he does.
Or they like it... in which case, fuck you, you’re a garbage person.
But, to me it seems like Clinton supporters are trying as hard as they can to close their eyes real hard so they don’t have to notice all of her shit.

And I can at least sympathize with them. I get that you feel like if you don’t support her, that orange nutcase is going to win.

They’re both horrible choices for completely different reasons.

It’s a scary time.

Maybe we shouldn’t have a president for a couple years?

-Matthew Fears

LINKS:

Clinton talking about Rape Case

Hillary Lying for 13 minutes straight.

Hillary lying about e-mails

Donald Trump lying for 13 minutes straight

Donald Trump Washington Post interview. If you can listen to this whole thing without cringing I'll vote for you to be president. The guy is an egomaniac and can't answer basic questions.

Fuck The DEA

8.11.2016

(Note: I will be referring to the DEA as “those Fucking Fucks” or “Fuck Heads” for the remainder of this entry. I’m sorry for the excessive use of gratuitous language, Mom.)

Jesus Christ.

I woke up this morning to see that those Fuck Heads refused to reschedule Marijuana. As it is now, Marijuana is classified as a Schedule I drug.

If you don’t immediately know why this angers me, let me put it bluntly (zing!): The Fuck Heads think that Heroin and Marijuana are equally harmful to society.

It’s 2016 and the average person who has access to the Internet will undoubtedly know that this is absolute horseshit.

To me, this is an example of corruption and is the poster child for incompetence by certain government agencies.
This angers me so much that I’m almost at a loss for words.

Almost.

Now, I understand that the entire scheduling system is fucking ridiculous. For example, other drugs listed as Schedule I could be arguable as well (LSD and MDMA have shown potential medicinal benefits but haven’t been made available for research because of said classification), but I’m going to focus on Marijuana here.

From the Department of Fuck Heads’ website:
“Schedule I drugs, substances, or chemicals are defined as drugs with no currently accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse. Schedule I drugs are the most dangers drugs of all the drug schedules with potentially severe psychological or physical dependence.”

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

“...no currently accepted medical use...”

Tell that to the people who find life exponentially better while managing pain sans your (prescribed) schedule II drugs that were fucking up their lives.
Tell that to the fucking poster children with the rare forms of epilepsy who benefit GREATLY from cannabis.

Tell that to anyone who has benefited greatly from cannabis use, myself included.

You Fucking Fucks. The only reason there is hardly any medical research on cannabis is because of your Goddamn ban on researching it for the last 50 fucking years.**

“...the most dangerous drugs of all the drug schedules...”

Ok.
Jesus.
My blood is boiling.
Let me take a moment to compose myself so I can do this one with out cursing.

This is just not true at all. Everyone knows this. Prove that statement. Now. Because guess what, ALL THE FUCKING EVIDENCE POINTS TO THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE... YOU FUCKING FUCKS!

Whoops.

We can all agree that something smells awfully like shit in this situation. Quick, everyone check your shoes.
Anything?
No?

Fuck Heads?
OH, YOU ASSHOLE! Why would you not scrape off all that shit before coming in here and acting like everything is normal?

Who’s shit is it you ask?
Ugh.
Ok, who knows what a lobbyist is?
But I hope most people know what a lobbyist is. Though, assuming most people know these basic things has burned me a lot before.
(See: This election.)
It seems like a lot of people enjoy their ignorance. It makes me feel like a paranoid lunatic for knowing anything about how government works.
(I know very little.)

So,
Lobbyist:
noun
1. A person who tries to influence legislation on behalf of a special interest; a member of a lobby.
-Dictionary.com

Sounds a little sketchy, right?

Lobbyists aren’t inherently bad. They justify doing what they do in order to help their interests. That’s how groups like teachers unions and non-profits are able to be heard by the ones writing the laws. They represent groups to make change happen. Lobbyists make the case (or deals) to implement changes that affect how our country is run. They are a MASSIVE part of the current system.

The problem? They are for hire negotiators.
They make deals with the power structure. Having pull in that system is a commodity. Who has the most interest in owning the best lobbyists? The giant corporations and groups who need to look out for their interests. People who stand to gain or lose the most from any law, will hire the best lobbyists.
Well, that’s not bad, right? Again, not inherently bad... BUT THEY FUCKING LOOK OUT FOR THEIR INTERESTS AND REALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.
So if your interest is money, and you stand to lose money by a new law... you lobby against that law, regardless of the data or what the people want.

So who’s lobbying to keep the federal ban on Marijuana? People or groups genuinely concerned with the public health? HAHAHAHAHA Not even remotely close.

-Police unions (A huge part of the criminal justice system’s revenue is policing marijuana use)
-Private Prison Corporations (They make a lot of money housing convicted users)
-Prison Guard Unions (If the prisons don’t have money from the lack of inmates, they will lose their jobs.)
-Pharmaceutical Corporations (They are scared of losing business form all those “Non medicinal” properties)
-Alcohol and Beer companies (When recreational use in Colorado went up, alcohol related crimes dropped significantly, leading people to believe that use went down. I’m not sure on the sales, but I would wager they dropped.)

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, and I despise when people downplay facts or truths by assuming they are “conspiracy theories” simply because they haven’t looked into it. Just because something sounds so fucking dark and unbelievable doesn’t mean it’s not true.

It is true.
It is unbelievable.
It is fucking dark.
And we should all be screaming about how ludicrous this all is.

Fuck you, you Fucking Fucks.

-Matthew Curses

Here I am enjoying a Schedule I drug.

**I know the ban was recently lifted. It was a brutal effort to get that done, and it wasn’t lifted because the Fuck Heads wanted to research it. It was lifted because the people demanded it. Good job, people.

Your Beliefs Are Not Above Criticism

8.4.2016

I’m going to try my best here to not piss off anyone.

The other day I found myself having a rare night of nothing to do. I had a shoot planned, but since it’s LA and people here are flaky as shit, it was cancelled last minute. I was a little upset so I figured I’d go for a walk to clear my head.
I ended up at a trendy bar about a mile away from my apartment. I was in a grumpy mood (surprise!), but I wanted to go talk to people and shake off whatever funk I was in.

After about 30 minutes of me drinking water at the bar (party), a small group of very good-looking hipsters walked in. The place was fairly empty and they struck up conversation. There was this adorable little teeny tiny short girl (is that condescending?) who kept trying to talk to me one-on-one at awkward times. The group would be talking about one topic and then she would turn to me and ask me a completely unrelated question at very strange moments. Like, that moment right after I would say something to one person and right before they started to respond. She informed me she had some social issues, which I usually think is bullshit, but this seemed to explain a lot of things.

The questions weren’t bad or anything, in fact quite good... just poorly timed. After hearing a few of my responses to questions about psychedelics and things about meditation, her eyes started to light up. She seemed to be into whatever I was saying, hanging on to every word. I have to admit, I like when other people like hearing me talk. I’m kind of an asshole like that.

(See: This blog)

She asked me for my phone number, which was peculiarly timed as well. Plus, I don’t like giving my number out to strangers. I’m also the worst person in the world at saying “No.” So, I let her enter her number and call herself from my phone. Whatever.

Almost immediately after, she asked me about energy sources or crystals or whatever the current LA hippie bullshit is currently trending. I checked out. Immediately. I kept thinking, “Ah, fuck, what have I gotten myself into?” I tried to pretend to be interested, but it was like the air left the room. I just don’t give a shit. She could sense it. Everyone could sense it.

Sensing my lack of interest must have made her feel like she had to convince me it was all real... right then and there. In My adult life, no one’s ever done that before. Usually after I say out loud, “I don’t believe in that kind of stuff”, they just let it go. She informed me that it’s real, she’s a shaman, and there was a simple form of energy ball that she could show me right there to prove that it is in fact real.

Fuck.

I entertained her and let her show me -Mostly because I didn’t know what to do. It seemed too awkward to say no.

She had me hold my hands in front of my chest, palms facing each other, and slowly start pulling them apart and back together. Imagine me pushing together an invisible Nerf ball and then gently letting it return to it’s natural shape. After about thirty seconds she said, “Do you feel the heat on your finger tips?”

I fucking panicked.

No, of course I don’t feel the imaginary heat.
If this were in any way remotely real, one could measure the heat source easily with the simplest of tests.
I just started thinking about how I could prove this to be bullshit.
You could put a common thermometer on my fingertips before I started playing with fake Nerf ball, and then right after and measure that goddamn difference.

“I don’t think so?” I said. I’m a coward.

She seemed let down. Like her ancient shamanic powers had failed her. We tried again with the same results. I finally said, “Listen, I don’t believe in any of this stuff so maybe it just doesn’t work on me.” She explained that it should and that if I try more it will work.

In the name of science, I wasn’t going to let this go on any longer. I let her know that I truly don’t believe in this stuff and I was going to pass on trying it again. She asked what I believe in and I responded honestly:
“Mostly things that can be scientifically proven.”

(Awkward pause)

“I mean, there are probably loads of things science hasn’t discovered that we are unable to understand or sense, but until we can justly understand it, I just choose to stick with the known.”
This upset her.

She had this look of disappointment on her face that was as if I just pulled my pants down and shit on her shamanic cloak.

(BTW, She wasn’t wearing a cloak, but if she didn’t have one at home then SHE’S NOT A FUCKING SHAMAN!)

She started arguing with me about her beliefs and going on about how science can’t explain everything, and that her things are real. It was eerily reminiscent of when my very berry religious extended family was failing to understand how I could just not believe in the Christian god. I remember being looked at as if I was a fucking idiot for choosing to not believe. It was beyond their comprehension.

She promised the world would be better if everyone realized their true power. I agreed.

When I wasn’t convinced of her beliefs, she became upset. After she specifically asked what I believed in and I answered, she became upset. When pressured to explain why, and I responded with a healthy dose of skepticism and criticism, she became upset. (Do you see a pattern here?) I wasn’t poking fun of her; I was showing the holes I had poked within my head. I do this often. And not just with these trendy LA hipster shamans, with every major religion as well.

People get really really upset when other people don’t believe what they believe.

We all have different ways of deciding what the truth is. Some of us look for truth in reality and tangible facts; others search for it in love and energy. Most people (in America) look for the truth in old books written by flawed people.

My point is: It doesn’t matter.

Whatever turns you on, that’s OK.
But don’t force those beliefs on anyone else. Don’t get offended when someone pokes holes in your belief system, especially if they are doing it without malicious intentions. Don’t become angry when they don’t believe in your “miracles”. And if you ask someone a question and they answer honestly, don’t get offended. You walked into that.

One last thing:

A person believing in other things doesn’t have to fuck your day up so much. Just chill. Have a sense of humor. Realize life is short, and it’s not a big deal that we don't all share the same paranoia of death. And if someone criticizes your faith, try and keep in mind that they are just another person with whom you have way more in common with than you may think.

Be kind.

Love,

Matthew Burns (in Hell)

My Job is Too Easy :(

Cameras are fucking awesome.

The Camera is an amazing machine that has evolved and changed the world many times over. Since the Camera Obscura, people have been FASCINATED with the idea of recording life. The desire to make better and better cameras has existed since the first camera was invented. Innovation is humanity’s greatest gift. Personally, I have always loved old cameras. We had an old Brownie in our house growing up, my father had an old 35mm he bought in High School, and any time I saw a camera I didn’t know what it was I would research the fuck out of it. I liked the idea of knowing how to use cameras that not everyone was able to. It was a learned trade, which is something that I value and respect in society.

Any craftsman, who genuinely loves their chosen practice, will have beautiful ways to describe their trade. Also, they will know what the fuck they are doing. Learning film photography is important -It may be irrelevant, but it’s important. To learn all of the basics of camera operations, learn how to develop your own film, and learn how to make prints are all incredibly important if you want to call yourself a photographer. When I learned such things, it was enthralling. I remember being in the first dark room being hyper aware of the fact that I was discovering my passion as I learn. That’s a weird thing to be aware of. I fell in love.

The history of photography and cameras is like this enchanting world where science some how turns into art and then back to science. The ability to Record Life as precisely as possible, can be twisted, composed, conceptualized in all different ways which turns life into Art. I had an amazing professor in college, Alex Emmons, who works with “alternative processes”. (BTW, I hate that fucking word, “Alternative”. It just means older generations of processing techniques. i.e. Cyanotypes, daguerreotypes, etc.) She was incredibly influential in making me understand that this passion of mine, is a learned craft. You had to know what you were doing and how a camera actually fucking works before you could make anything in her classes. Seems like a bit of a no brainer, right? You’d be surprised. Alex Emmons is a brilliant teacher and a true craftsman.

Why am I being all nostalgic and pretentious?

It’s too fucking easy to take pictures these days.

Yep. The advancement in camera technology is amazing. It seems like science fiction. No one ever talks about how fucking awesome it is we have the ability to actually record life. It gets better and better, which is fantastic, but it also gets easier and easier... too easy, even. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet.

I have, many times, said that it’s too easy to be a photographer in 2016.

Let me give a dumb example:

1. Joesephine Somebody goes on instagram, sees some awesome photos with hashtags about all the gear used to make said photos. (#CanonRebelT74i or whatever number they’re on now)

2. Quick Google search of said camera, thinks, “Whoa! $300 is totally doable!”, and orders it via amazon prime.

3. The camera kit gets there the next day (or maybe even same day? Fuck man, Amazon is taking over. They got their shit together. Whatever.).

4. She switches that mother-fucker to fully auto mode and snaps her first picture.

5. She uploads to instagram with same hashtags (maybe even #JoesphineSomebodyPhotography because why not?), hundreds of people see, like it, follow her, and get excited by her “work”. She’s ecstatic. Good for her! It feels awesome to have people like your shit.

6. Someone asks her to shoot them for money.

7. She says yes.

8. She’s now a photographer.

Awesome, good for her. I know tons of people just like her. I think I read one of those shitty Kardashian types is now a photographer? Whatever, my point is, it’s too fucking easy.

Also, what’s actually “in” right now is very amateur stylized photography. Thanks, Terry Richardson, American Apparel, and everyone else who rips them off... myself included. You could argue that even going back to Nan Goldin and others’ early work who made candid photos with that Point and Shoot look Art, but whatever I’m getting away form my point.

So, the cameras are far more advanced than ever, the ability to take a high quality photo without even knowing how the camera works, and the fact that it’s trendy to take simple shitty photos is the magical combination of ingredients that make being a photographer the easiest goddamn thing in the world.

But should we be giving people money for this? I don’t know. I get confused myself.
Now, let’s take it a step further and say that Joesephine Somebody is actually a model with a large following on instagram. She is an “influencer” who is around cameras all the time, becomes interested in having a “new thing”, buys a camera, and BAM! Suddenly a photographer. She now talks about her “work” and all that douchey bullshit. What happens next is interesting to me, because her “work” is instantly a real commodity. She has an audience for her “work”. If a person or company were to pay her to photograph something, she might feature it on her social media platforms and expose it to her large audience. This is a valuable thing to people. It’s a little gross, but no one seems to care. It’s exposure. It’s marketing. But is it good?

Some would argue that if it’s a “good photo” then it must be good. But is it a good photo? Is it really? If it’s just a happy accident based on the simplicity and ease of taking a picture in 2016, is it really good?

Let me go off on another tangent, because this isn’t already too long:

Picasso knew how to paint. Like, really knew how to paint. To the layman, his most famous works might look simple (I know, they’re not really. But for the sake of argument, ok... just go with it) but I promise you, Google his early work and you will see that, Homeboy obviously knew what the fuck he was doing. (#Understatement of the year?) It drives me crazy when I hear, “I could do that!” in reference to major paintings. That’s probably not true, but whatever. With photography, though, it is true!

You can probably do whatever American Apparel ad is currently running within the first week of owning a camera, while not knowing a single thing about cameras or photography. It’s that easy!

But, should you?

There’s a story I heard about Picasso sketching in the park when some cunty* woman recognized him and then proceeded to ask him to sketch her. He did in less than a minute or some shit. She was amazed by how perfect he had captured her. She asked him how much it would it cost to take home, and he responded, “$5,000”. She was taken aback and said “But, Picasso! It only took you less than a minute or some shit!” Picasso responded, “It took me my entire life.”

BOOM.
(I’m paraphrasing, folks. I don’t even know if it’s a true story.)

This hits home with me. I see all sorts of people taking photos. Friends, strangers, people from my past, famous people... literally fucking everyone these days is a photographer. Yet, very few of these people take the time to get to know how their Magical Picture Boxes work. Most of them aren’t even making good photos, just trendy ones with mass appeal. This wouldn’t bother me at all, except I see that they’re charging for this craft that they don’t actually know how to perform. They’re missing the skill set that should determine whether or not they are able to be called a photographer. Yet, because of the technological advancements, the end product is still a quality photo. This freaks me out.

On one hand: Whatever, if the client is happy, the “photographer” is happy, I shouldn’t care. But, on the other hand: This is all a sham and no one knows what he or she is doing and it’s perverting the craft I love. If I were in that situation, I would NEVER charge anyone. I would adamantly tell people, “I am a beginner, let me figure this Scientific Magic Box out before I can morally charge you. Let me develop my craft before I boldly claim to be photographer.”

Whatever. The world would be better with less shitty content, and more craftsmanship.

Who knows though, maybe I’m just self-righteous.

Nah, I’m definitely self-righteous.

*Cunty. Yes, going up to arguably one of the best painters ever and asking them to draw you is in fact a "cunty" thing to do regardless of your gender.

*ALEX EMMONS WEBSITE